At about the age of nine or so, I was attending a "Stations-of-the-Cross" ritual (I was raised Catholic). Even at that age, I remember deep feelings of guilt for my sins, and the more so, because I could not seem to stop sinning. But with each prayer said, I became more mindful of the concluding words in each one... "and then Lord, do with me as Thou wilt."

With those words, I surrendered my soul to Jesus. Unbeknownst to me, He accepted it.

From that moment on, for all these many years, life has been perfect bliss.

Just kidding. Not to make light of it, but to make a point. Like the Israelites freed from Egypt, and finding themselves at the Jordan, I turned away, to wander in the desert for forty years (almost). Jesus had accepted me, but my attraction to the world remained.

I remained a nominal Catholic for many years. Catholicism is not a Bible-oriented religion, and my knowledge of the Bible remained superficial. Worse yet, my relationship with God was on the level of a contractual arrangement. I made deals with Him, but only when matters were getting out of hand. Else, God seemed to me a cold, distant, occasionally wrathful authority, but one who did answer my most desperate prayers.

In adolescence, I dabbled in atheism. But it didn't work for me. God persists. So I decided to intellectualize Him. I tried Buddhism, and it has the virtue of time-tested psychotherapeutic techniques. Serenity is cool (even if ultimately futile).

Baha'i seemed to be the perfect bridge between Catholicism and Buddhism--- an authoritarian God, but invoking no feelings of guilt.

At first, I had the euphoria of the true convert. But then slowly, very slowly, I began to notice the self-contradictions in authoritative Baha'i writings (a very common experience among Baha'is, if my internet readings are representative). I found the so-called explanations for these contradictions to be comforting at first (I desperately did not want to lose that euphoria). But eventually, the house of cards collapsed. There was no dramatic moment, just a gradual disillusionment. Even many years after losing contact with Baha'is, I continued to retain a basic orientation toward the general ideas of a divinely revealed world religion, threaded together from Adam, through Krishna, Buddha, Moses, Zoroaster, Jesus, and Mohammed, and finally, the Bab and Baha'u'llah.

Baha'is have been among the nicest people I have ever known, and I love them still. But I had found nothing in their faith to sustain me. Quite the contrary, I think it distracted me. Even so, the blame for what happened is entirely mine to bear.

My sins continued to lead me ever deeper into a darkness (I knew not how sinister), and there came a time when, figuratively speaking, I was face down in the gutter, wasted, helpless, and without hope.

What happened next almost defies description. As it were (but with stunning reality), a hand touched my shoulder. As it were (but not merely so) I looked up, and saw Jesus, not physically, but with far more substantial impact than the physical. He was not the cold, distant, magistrate-God, but the close, loving, deeply involved Father of this prodigal son.

He spoke my name (Yu Zir is a pseudonym), and then said to me, "You've tried it your way. Look where it got you. Now, are you willing to try it my way?"

I was almost speechless. My reply astonished me, for I said not "yes," but rather blurted out, "What choice do I have?" For I knew I had none. I had exhausted every other possibility, and last of all, was willing to try Jesus, not on my terms, but for the first time ever, on His.

Only then did I learn of God's unconditional love, love that is truly selfless, infinitely patient, all-forgiving, love which endures all things, hopes all things, and never ends (paraphrased from Corinthians).

From that moment forward, everything has been different, as if I were a new person, living in a new creation (this also paraphrased. Pardon me if I plagiarize God's word without attribution.)

Jesus has proven Himself continually to me in miracles both small (the best ones!) and large. His Holy Spirit has led me through the Bible and displayed to me its irrefutable truth, its unique miraculous nature, and that it is indeed God's inerrant word.

I pray that all Baha'is will come to recognize that there is no other path to the Father except by Jesus--- none. I pray that all atheists (yes, there are atheists who call themselves Baha'is or Christians) will stop trying to intellectualize God into some cosmic principle of physics, and simply love Him, as He loves us.

I cannot transmit scientific proof of this to any doubter. But then, that would bring credit to me, not to God. Only God Himself can reveal Himself to you. Simply pray to Him. Simply surrender to Him. He is already standing at the doorway of your heart.

Lord, do with me as Thou wilt!